Time to be honest…
For the past few months I’ve been telling everyone how I’m not ready to being streaming on Twitch, however while saying it I’ve been hiding the main reason and keeping things to myself… Again!
This is a post I never wanted to write and even though it’s taken me months, I’m still struggling to even comprehend what I was told just two months ago.
Since I was a young child I’ve been living with various mental heath issues from Depression to Social phobia, panic attacks, night terrors and possibly everything else though throughout my life I had two people I could confide in.
One of those people was my nan whom raised me as her own following the break up between my parents when I was 4 years old, though when I was about 14 she became ill and sadly passed away.
I struggled with the loss and began to misuse substances from alcohol to drugs and getting involved with some fairly dangerous people, while doing so there was one person on the planet that was there for me while others turned their backs to me… One of my closest friends.
He managed to pull me away from the darkness where I was, helping me to control my emotions and helped me to see the light making me realize that even though I lost the most important person to me she was still there looking over me.
Every plan I made and every goal that I set, he was there pushing me and motivating me to do the best I possibly could.
Then my life changed again…
Two months ago I was contacted by my friends partner and was told that he had been struggling himself after losing his dad a few days prior, a week later he took his own life.
Now I’m back to square one, though this time I’m fighting everything alone refusing to speak to people about things and feeling as if my life is a complete mess even refusing any kind of support.
I have taken the time I needed to get to a point where I can (just about) manage to record the YouTube videos I’ve been promising to do and I will keep the promise to work on things and eventually when I feel mentally ready, we’ll look at Twitch as a possibility.
I’m sorry if I have let anyone down, though life can throw obstacles in our paths without warning and to those that have supported me until now I am forever thankful to the help and support you have given me.