Time to come clean and be honest!
Today when I woke up I looked at my phone as usual and noticed something a little different, it seemed as though the whole of Twitter had messaged me asking where I was and it seemed a little crazy but actually it was only about 5 direct messages from followers.
I thought that I should be a little more open about stuff going on in my life at the moment and explain why I’ve not been so active on YouTube for the last 2 – 3 months, after all I had planned to do regular video uploads… Less than 3+ months apart!
So as you may or may not know I currently struggle with depression (amongst other stuff) and I have done for around 10 – 15 years, for the most part I was able to keep it under control without much of an issue but lately my stress levels have increased alarmingly and with it my energy levels dropped to the point where it’s a struggle for me to live a normal daily life.
Some people with my problems would be crying out to friends and family for a helping hand, looking for someone to pull them up and help them to see the light again however for me this isn’t the case. I tend to go against the grain and advice of specialists and keep everything to myself, until I break and this if I’m honest it’s rather scary for me as I don’t really trust many people.
I have also felt so alone which I admit is stupid because I have friends and family around me and even though some of those don’t really bother with me much there are still some that are there for me during my darkest moments when life seems too tough for me to handle.
So, what am I doing that could possibly change all of this? well I’m throwing myself into the deep end and pushing myself to my limits and beyond, I plan on doing more gameplay videos and vlogs on 2 brand new YouTube channels.
I have also decided that maybe I need a change of scenery, so myself and my father are looking at the possibility of relocating again after only about 2 – 3 years in our current house. This is a huge step for me as I am uprooting myself from friends and family and plan on moving hundreds of miles away, however at the moment we don’t get any visitors and usually not many people bother with us. It seems from my perspective that we are expected to make an effort to hold together a family relationship and if I’m honest I don’t really have the strength to do this anymore.
Anyway! on a brighter note, I will be recording more as I have a lot of plans for future videos and if all goes well with the move etc I could soon be starting my Twitch live streams again which I have been dying to do but with our current internet it’s just not possible.
See you soon guys!